Honor Anyway (Respecting Parents When It’s Not Easy)
Mother’s Day always stirs up a lot of emotions. For some people, it’s heartwarming—full of flowers, hugs, and a frantic search for a restaurant that isn’t booked solid. For others, it’s complicated—marked by loss, strain, or relationships that don’t fit neatly into a greeting card. Wherever you find yourself this weekend, one thing is true for all of us: God didn’t put “Honor your father and mother” on the suggestion list. He carved it right into the Big Ten.
Exodus 20:12 says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”
And just like that, God handed us a commandment with a promise attached—something He didn’t do with any of the others. Not “Honor them if they deserve it.” Not “Honor them when they’re being reasonable.” Just… honor them. Period.
And honestly? That’s a tall order sometimes.
What Honor Really Means (And What It Doesn’t)
When God tells us to “honor your father and mother,” He isn’t asking us to throw a parade or pretend everything was perfect growing up. The Hebrew word for honor actually means “to make heavy” or “to give weight to.” In other words, God is asking us to treat the role our parents play in our lives as significant. To recognize that the relationship carries real weight, no matter how messy or complicated the people in that role may have been.
Honor doesn’t mean you have to agree with every decision they ever made. It doesn’t mean that, as an adult, you have to obey every word that they say. It doesn’t mean you have to act like a hurt didn’t happen. And it definitely doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in harm’s way for the sake of keeping the peace. Honoring your parents simply means acknowledging that God placed them in your life, and choosing to treat that position with respect—even when the relationship itself has been far from perfect.
Sometimes that respect is easy. Sometimes it looks like sitting around the kitchen table, laughing and sharing stories, feeling thankful for the foundation they gave you. Other times, it looks like quiet forgiveness for things they may never apologize for. And in some cases—when the relationship has been deeply broken or even dangerous—honoring your parents might mean creating healthy distance, protecting yourself and your family, and still refusing to let bitterness have the last word.
The Bible never asks us to stay in unsafe situations. Even Jesus, when confronted by people who intended Him harm, withdrew to quiet places to pray and seek His Father (Luke 5:16). Setting boundaries with someone who has hurt you is not dishonoring them—it’s stewarding the life and heart God has entrusted to you. You can choose not to enable sin or stay silent about wrongdoing, while still speaking about others, even difficult people, with the kind of dignity that reflects who you are in Christ.
Honoring your parents doesn’t erase the complexity. It simply says, “God, I trust You enough to take this relationship seriously. I will show respect where I can. I will forgive what I need to forgive. And I will walk in wisdom, trusting You to fill in the gaps where human love has failed.”
Honor Isn’t Pretending—or Excusing Anything
Many people think honoring your parents means pretending everything is great. Like you have to ignore a hurt feeling, slap a fake smile on your face, and mail a card whether you meant it or not. But that’s not what God’s asking for. Honor isn’t about pretending someone’s perfect. Or that they are even what you need them to be as a mother or father. It’s about respecting the position God gave them—even when the relationship feels complicated.
Romans 13:7 puts it plainly: “Give to everyone what you owe them… if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.”
We don’t honor because our parents were flawless or they win “Parent of the Year” awards (although, one of mine actually did—I’ll keep that one until Father’s Day). We honor because God asks us to—and because He knows what honoring does inside of us.
That doesn’t mean we excuse sin. It doesn’t mean we stay silent when truth needs to be spoken. But even when reconciliation isn’t possible, honor still is. Sometimes it looks like forgiveness. Sometimes it looks like distance without bitterness. Sometimes it simply looks like refusing to let anger be the narrator of your story.
First Peter 2:17 reminds us, “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.” If Peter could tell persecuted Christians to honor the emperor—the very man hunting them down and feeding them to the lions—you and I can trust that God understands complicated families too.
And still, He calls us to honor.
So, How Do You Actually Honor Parents When It Feels Impossible?
Good intentions only get you so far. When emotions run high, or old wounds ache, or frustration bubbles up, honoring someone can feel impossible. That’s when grace has to do the heavy lifting.
Here’s a few things to keep in mind when honoring your parents feels complicated:
- Choose gratitude, even if it’s for small things. First Thessalonians 5:18 says, “Give thanks in all circumstances.” Not because everything is good—but because even the smallest spark of gratitude can soften a hardened heart.
- Speak with kindness, even if you have to speak hard truths. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Sometimes honor sounds like gentleness, even when the conversation is difficult.
- Forgive what you can’t fix. Colossians 3:13 calls us to “forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Forgiveness isn’t pretending nothing happened. It’s choosing not to let bitterness become your roommate.
- Trust God to fill the gaps they couldn’t. Psalm 27:10 says, “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Where human love falls short—and it will—God’s love steps in and fills every empty place.
Honor Changes You More Than It Changes Them
Choosing honor doesn’t guarantee your parents will change. It might not even fix the relationship. But it will change you. It will protect your heart from growing cold. It will strengthen your walk with God. It will free you from the weight of bitterness.
Obedience to God is never wasted, even if the person you’re honoring never notices. God notices. And He promises blessing—not because it’s easy, but because it’s right.
If honoring your parents comes naturally today, lean into it and celebrate. If it feels more like trying to hug a cactus, know that your obedience still matters. God sees it. He honors it. And He uses it to shape you into someone who looks a little more like Him.
Honor isn’t about pretending everything’s okay. It’s about trusting that God can work in messy places—and trusting that when He says something is good for you, it actually is.
Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s complicated. Even when it costs you something.
Especially then.
☕ A little faith, a little courage, and a whole lot of stubborn joy. – Tonya
What has honoring your parents looked like for you—easy, complicated, or somewhere in between? Drop a comment—I’d love to hear your story.
© 2025 All posts written by Tonya E. Lee
