How Do I Do Adult Things When I Feel Underprepared? (Because Honestly, There Needs to Be a Manual…)

If you’ve ever whispered, “I’m too old for this” and “I’m not ready for this” in the same hour, welcome to adulthood. You’re officially in the weird middle—old enough to be responsible, young enough to still feel unqualified, and absolutely certain there should’ve been a class in high school called “How to File Taxes, Buy Pants That Fit, and Keep a Fern Alive for More Than Three Weeks.”

Honestly, I’ve googled, “how long does it take to boil the perfect egg?” so many times that every time I google anything, that pops up as a suggested search – and has for about a decade now. I’ve given in to it because I still couldn’t tell you how to boil the perfect egg. What can I say…Google knows me. So, believe me when I say that adulting is not a destination, it’s a path. And some days that path can feel like you’re sleepwalking on a treadmill.

THE MYTH OF “READY”

Here’s the thing: no one ever truly feels fully ready for anything that comes with being an adult. We assume there’s this invisible milestone where people suddenly feel qualified to make major decisions and fold a fitted sheet without throwing a temper tantrum (if you know me, you know this is my least favorite thing to do in the world). But if we’re honest, most of adulthood is less about being ready and more about being willing. Willing to learn, to try, and to get back up when we trip over our own unpaid parking tickets. Willing to trust that when we take those major (or even minor) steps, God will be on the other side of that, cheering us on like a father watching His kids’ first steps.

I keep an old pressboard sign, with gold lettering, from the 1970s on my desk, that says, “The best way to get something done is to begin.” My father gave me this sign. He used to keep it on his own desk. I look at it every morning and think, “Okay, I can do this today.” No joke. I need this tacky little, beat-up, vintage sign to remind me to keep adulting every single day. Oddly, it works.

Ecclesiastes 11:4 puts it this way, “Whoever watches the wind will not plant; whoever looks at the clouds will not reap.” In other words, if you wait until you feel ready, you’ll miss your chance. And if being unprepared disqualified someone from being used by God, we wouldn’t have much of a Bible left. Moses wasn’t ready. Jeremiah was overwhelmed. Esther was terrified. Elijah was constantly crying, depressed, and complaining. And yet God met them in the middle of their “I can’t do this,” not after they pulled themselves together, and they all pushed through.

UNDERQUALIFIED DOESN’T MEAN UNCALLED

Somewhere along the line, we got the idea that being a grown-up meant having it all figured out. That if we’re called to something, be it parenthood, ministry, leadership, or a mortgage, we should also be fully equipped, emotionally balanced, and appropriately caffeinated at all times.

But like the social media expression says, “God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called.” Paul said it like this: “Not that we are competent in ourselves… but our competence comes from God” (2 Corinthians 3:5). Smart guy, that Paul the Apostle. You don’t need to be the best in the room. Your ducks don’t all need to be in a row. But they do need to all be relatively corralled and in the right room—God’s room. Then trust Him to do some of the lining up.

When I first started teaching at the University level, I remember thinking, “Whose idea was this?” followed quickly by the realization that I was the adult in charge. And while I’ve grown into the role, that initial panic wasn’t a sign of failure; it was a sign that I was pushing myslef forward (albeit in complete and total horror—but I did it anyway). I’m relatively introverted so it’s taken me a minute to learn a lot of this adulting stuff. One thing that has impacted me the most is when I realized that we’re supposed to feel the weight of responsibility. We’re supposed to be scared sometimes. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It reminds us that what we’re doing matters.

PRACTICAL TOOLS FOR WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A FRAUD

So what do you do when you’ve suddenly got big responsibilities but your brain that still thinks you’re in the 5th grade? You make grown-up choices in small, faithful ways. Start here:

Prep like a Proverbs 31 ninja. You don’t need a color-coded planner or a 5am wake-up call. You need five minutes the night before to find your keys, plug in your laptop, and pack a snack. Small prep is grown-up magic. This verse is not just for women; it’s a one-size-fits-all Proverb. As my father put it, “Expect the best, prepare for the worst, and nothing will surprise you.” Proverbs 31:25 – “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”
Learn the power of a checklist. You’re not forgetful, you’re overwhelmed. Write it down. All of it. Even the dumb stuff like “take chicken out of freezer.” That one has sabotaged more dinners than Satan himself. Honestly, I can’t live without a list. Even my dog knows that it’s time to get up in the morning when I say, “Hey, Siri, set a reminder for…” 1 Corinthians 14:40 – “But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”
Memorize three phrases that buy you time. Not sure what to say? Try: “Let me get back to you on that.” Or, “I need to think it through.” Or even, “Can I have a moment to process this?” Those phrases buy you space. And space gives you wisdom. Most of us can’t afford to fly off the handle. Take a beat. It can spare you so much trouble. James 1:19 – “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”
Write a grown-up script for hard things. Dreading a phone call? Nervous to ask a question? Script it like a stage performance. Rehearse. Seriously. Even Moses needed help speaking. You’re in good company. Exodus 4:10-12 – “Moses said to the Lord, ‘Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.’ The Lord said to him, ‘Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.’”
Set one tiny financial goal. You don’t need to become a budgeting wizard overnight. But maybe you move $5 to savings or pay off one small bill. It counts. It also changes your mindset about money. Don’t fear money. It’ s not the enemy. It’s not scary. It’s just part of life. Luke 16:10 – “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much…”
Feed yourself something that didn’t come from a bag. Eat like your body is a temple. Or at least like it’s a decently kept Airbnb. The Holy Spirit lives there, after all. You need sustenance in moderation. Your body is an offering to God. Maybe we should try to give Him the best of ourselves. 1 Corinthians 6:19 – “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit…?”
Get dressed—even if you’re not going anywhere. Your pajama pants aren’t doing your self-esteem any favors. Trust me. Put on actual clothes. And shoes. It tricks your brain into showing up for your own life and puts your body on blast that you’re ready for whatever comes that day. Romans 13:12 – “So let us… put on the armor of light.”

GOD NEVER ASKED YOU TO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER

The lie of modern adulthood is this: if you don’t have it figured out by now, you never will, and you’ll die alone in an apartment full of cats that you have no idea how they got there. But here’s the truth: God’s not measuring your timeline. He’s walking with you in your faithfulness.

If you’re seeking after Him, honestly wanting to be doing what He created you to do, then keep walking, keep seeking, keep paying attention. He’s not going to steer you in the wrong direction or smack you on the back of the head when trip up. He’s there for us all as we stumble through the confusion called responsible adulthood. Psalm 121:2 says, “My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Your help—your real, actual, grown-up help—comes from God.

So breathe. You’re not the only one who feels like you’re playing dress-up in someone else’s button-up and blazer. It’s weird, this growing-up thing. But it’s worth it. When you take the steps that scare the mess out of you—dating to marry, not hook up; working and saving to buy a home (it can happen, I promise); starting the family; starting the job—this is where all the good stuff of life is. This is the intention of God for His children. And, aside from the fitted sheets, adulting is kinda fun, actually.

☕ May you have a little faith, a little courage, and a whole lot of stubborn joy. – Tonya

What’s that one thing that makes you feel like an adult—whether it’s cooking your own dinner or remembering to floss? Drop a comment below. I need the laugh. 😄