How to Build Real Confidence (Not Just Fake It)

If you’ve spent any time in the business world, leadership, or even just scrolling through motivational Instagram quotes, you’ve probably heard the phrase: “Fake it till you make it.” It’s practically the golden rule of professional success. And I lived by it.

I was taught that unless you were born with financial backing, you had to fake confidence until you achieved success. If you didn’t “believe in yourself at all costs,” then no one else would. And honestly? It worked. I built my entrepreneurial career on this mindset, and I’ve raised millions of dollars for myself and others—both in for-profit businesses and nonprofit organizations. But here’s the thing: faking confidence is like wearing high heels that are a size too small—sure, you look the part, but eventually, it’s going to hurt. And that kind of hurt you feel all over.

The Problem with “Fake It Till You Make It”

There’s a reason so many people struggle with imposter syndrome—that nagging feeling that any minute now, someone’s going to pull back the curtain and realize you have no idea what you’re doing. When your confidence is built on a performance rather than truth, you spend more time managing appearances than actually growing, learning, and then teaching others.

The world tells us confidence comes from what you achieve, what you own, or how many people are impressed by you. But if that’s true, why do so many “successful” people still feel like frauds? Because confidence built on external factors is like building a house on a foundation of Jell-O—looks solid at first, but good luck when the pressure hits.

What Real Confidence Looks Like

The Bible doesn’t tell us to fake confidence. Instead, it tells us to stand firm in the confidence that comes from knowing who we are in Christ. Proverbs 3:26 (NIV) says, “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” Translation? You don’t have to manufacture confidence—it comes naturally when you trust the One who holds everything together.

Here’s the difference between fake confidence and real confidence:

Fake confidence says: “I have to prove my worth.”
Real confidence says: “My worth is already established in Christ.”
Fake confidence says: “I need to impress others to be taken seriously.”
Real confidence says: “I need to walk in integrity, and God will open the right doors.”
Fake confidence says: “I have to do this on my own.”
Real confidence says: “God equips me for every challenge.”

How to Develop True Confidence

Know Where Your Worth Comes From Confidence built on achievements, money, status, or approval is about as stable as a Jenga tower in an earthquake. Confidence built on Christ’s unchanging love is rock solid. Spend time in Scripture to remind yourself who God says you are.
Prepare and Show Up—But Leave the Results to God Real confidence isn’t about winging it. Do the work, develop your skills, and prepare well—but stop believing that your success depends entirely on you. God is the one who establishes your steps (Proverbs 16:9). Walk forward knowing that He’s already got the outcome handled.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others Social media makes it easy to compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. But confidence isn’t about being better than someone else—it’s about walking fully in who God made YOU to be. You weren’t created to be a knockoff version of someone else.
Embrace the Process Confidence isn’t a destination—it’s a byproduct of daily trust in God. The more you step forward in faith, the stronger your confidence becomes. Spoiler: It’s a lifelong journey, and that’s okay.

Confidence That Lasts

Maybe you’re not faking confidence—maybe you feel like you don’t have any at all. You’re not alone. So many people walk through life believing they’ll never be good enough, smart enough, strong enough, or capable enough to do what God has called them to do. If that’s you, let me remind you of something: God does not call the qualified—He qualifies the called. Your confidence doesn’t have to come from what you think you can or can’t do; it comes from the fact that God is with you, guiding you, equipping you, and strengthening you. Gideon didn’t feel like a warrior, Moses didn’t feel like a leader, and Peter sure didn’t feel like the rock of the church—but God saw more in them than they saw in themselves. And He sees more in you, too.

If you’ve spent your life faking confidence, you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to keep pretending. True confidence doesn’t come from a power pose, a “fake-it-til-you-make-it” mindset, or a perfectly curated Instagram feed. It comes from knowing you are fully known, fully loved, and fully equipped by God.

And here’s what happens when you find your confidence in Him:

You stop worrying about who’s watching and start focusing on who you’re becoming.
You stop chasing temporary approval and start resting in eternal security.
You stop feeling like you have to hustle for worth and start walking boldly in your God-given purpose.

The weight of proving yourself? Gone. The fear of failure? No longer in charge. The constant need to measure up? Not your problem anymore.

God created you on purpose, for a purpose. And when your confidence is rooted in Him, you can step forward—not faking it, but fully becoming the person He made you to be.

☕ A little faith, a little courage, and a whole lot of stubborn joy. – Tonya

What’s one area of your life where you need real confidence? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts!