The Day I Learned to Shut Up (Spiritually Speaking)
I used to think maturity meant finally getting to say what I really thought. No parents. No teachers. No filters. Just grown-up honesty all the time. And the reality? That’s just a terrible idea.
Turns out, the day I thought I became a grown-up was really just the day I stopped letting the Holy Spirit interrupt me. And let’s just say, it wasn’t my best day.
There’s a difference between being bold and being reckless. Between honesty and impulse. And if I’m being…well, honest, I’ve spent a lot of years confusing the two.
I Thought Speaking My Mind Was a Spiritual Gift
I used to treat “saying what I think” like a virtue. Even a calling. But looking back, most of what I said wasn’t brave, it was just my personal opinion that I believed everyone should buy into. I didn’t speak up because God prompted me. I spoke up because I felt uncomfortable sitting in tension. I wanted to be the one who cut through the noise. Who clarified the truth. Who made the point no one else would. To be right, every time.
But here’s what I’ve learned: not every thought deserves a microphone. Not every truth needs my voice attached to it. And just because something can be said, doesn’t mean it should be.
James 1:19 (NIV) says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” I used to quote that at other people. Now I tape it to my bathroom mirror.
Jesus Didn’t Need to Prove a Point
There’s this incredible moment in Luke 23:9 when Jesus stands before Herod. Herod questions Him. Presses Him. And Jesus doesn’t say a word. Not one. He doesn’t defend Himself. Doesn’t explain. Doesn’t drop a theological truth bomb to show who’s in charge. He just… stays silent. Herod tells Jesus that if He just answers him and does a little “trick,” he’ll spare His life. And, Jesus…says nothing.
Can you imagine that kind of restraint? The Son of God, with the power to speak the universe into existence, chooses to say nothing to a fool who believes he holds God’s earthly life in his hands.
When I’m itching to clap back or “speak truth” into someone’s bad theology, I try to remember that. Sometimes maturity looks like not defending yourself. Sometimes the most Christlike thing you can do is stay quiet.
My Mouth Got Ahead of My Faith
There are days I still catch myself trying to outrun the Holy Spirit with my words. Days I fill awkward silence with commentary, or try to correct someone just because I know I can. But those moments never leave me peaceful. They leave me convicted.
Because deep down, I know this: maturity isn’t about how much you say. It’s about how much you listen. It’s about waiting long enough to ask, “Is this from God? Or is it just me?”
That question has saved me from a lot of regret.
Growing Up Sounds Quieter Than I Thought
When I was younger, I thought adulthood meant finally being heard. But now I think real adulthood, the kind rooted in Jesus, means learning when to shut up.
It means holding space. Sitting in discomfort. Praying instead of posting. Letting the Holy Spirit convict someone without my commentary riding shotgun.
And it means trusting that God is powerful enough to speak for Himself. Are there times when we do need to speak up? Absolutely! We’ll cover those in another post. But discernment is somewhere between standing up for the faith and the clapback.
How to Actually Watch Your Mouth (Without Becoming a Silent Monk)
Okay, so you want to speak with wisdom and not just whatever flies into your brain at 90mph. Good call. Here’s how to start:
- Pause Before You Post, Text, or Speak – Think of it like putting your mouth in airplane mode. Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” That includes all-caps tweets, hot takes, and dramatic voice memos.
- Ask: “Does this help or just hurt?” – Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” If it doesn’t build, bless, or bring peace—it can wait.
- Phone a Friend (Who’s Spiritually Sane) – Before you unload your “righteous frustration” on the internet or your unsuspecting coworker, run it by someone who loves Jesus and isn’t afraid to say, “Girl, don’t send that.” If you don’t have one, get yourself one of those.
- Embrace the Holy Spirit’s Awkward Pause – You know that little check in your gut? That’s not indigestion. That’s God. Stop. Breathe. Wait. You don’t have to fill every silence with commentary.
- Practice Saying Nothing – This one’s SO hard (or maybe it’s just me)! Start small. Let the group chat go on without your “correction.” Let someone be wrong about something minor. Let a conversation end without your witty final word. Your self-control is louder than your comeback.
Let James 3:5–6 be your anthem: “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” Translation? Don’t be a match in the middle of a California forest. That never goes well.
If You’re Still Learning This Too…
I’m right here with you. Every. Single. Day. I haven’t mastered it. But I’m getting better at pausing. At letting the silence breathe. At praying before I speak. At considering the feelings of others (even if I don’t know them) before I consider my need for the clapback.
So, if you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “I should’ve said less,” I promise, God is still shaping you. The same mouth that used to blurt and burn can be retrained to build and bless.
When you give God your life, you give Him your mouth. That can be a hard one to learn (I’m looking in the mirror here), but I promise it’s an immeasurable gift.
☕ Live with a little faith, a little courage, and a whole lot of stubborn joy. – Tonya
How does God show you when to shut up? Drop a comment. I’d love to hear your story!
© 2025 All posts written by Tonya E. Lee
I used to think maturity meant finally getting to say what I really thought. No parents. No teachers. No filters. Just grown-up honesty all the time. And the reality? That’s just a terrible idea.
Turns out, the day I thought I became a grown-up was really just the day I stopped letting the Holy Spirit interrupt me. And let’s just say, it wasn’t my best day.
There’s a difference between being bold and being reckless. Between honesty and impulse. And if I’m being…well, honest, I’ve spent a lot of years confusing the two.
I Thought Speaking My Mind Was a Spiritual Gift
I used to treat “saying what I think” like a virtue. Even a calling. But looking back, most of what I said wasn’t brave, it was just my personal opinion that I believed everyone should buy into. I didn’t speak up because God prompted me. I spoke up because I felt uncomfortable sitting in tension. I wanted to be the one who cut through the noise. Who clarified the truth. Who made the point no one else would. To be right, every time.
But here’s what I’ve learned: not every thought deserves a microphone. Not every truth needs my voice attached to it. And just because something can be said, doesn’t mean it should be.
James 1:19 (NIV) says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” I used to quote that at other people. Now I tape it to my bathroom mirror.
Jesus Didn’t Need to Prove a Point
There’s this incredible moment in Luke 23:9 when Jesus stands before Herod. Herod questions Him. Presses Him. And Jesus doesn’t say a word. Not one. He doesn’t defend Himself. Doesn’t explain. Doesn’t drop a theological truth bomb to show who’s in charge. He just… stays silent. Herod tells Jesus that if He just answers him and does a little “trick,” he’ll spare His life. And, Jesus…says nothing.
Can you imagine that kind of restraint? The Son of God, with the power to speak the universe into existence, chooses to say nothing to a fool who believes he holds God’s earthly life in his hands.
When I’m itching to clap back or “speak truth” into someone’s bad theology, I try to remember that. Sometimes maturity looks like not defending yourself. Sometimes the most Christlike thing you can do is stay quiet.
My Mouth Got Ahead of My Faith
There are days I still catch myself trying to outrun the Holy Spirit with my words. Days I fill awkward silence with commentary, or try to correct someone just because I know I can. But those moments never leave me peaceful. They leave me convicted.
Because deep down, I know this: maturity isn’t about how much you say. It’s about how much you listen. It’s about waiting long enough to ask, “Is this from God? Or is it just me?”
That question has saved me from a lot of regret.
Growing Up Sounds Quieter Than I Thought
When I was younger, I thought adulthood meant finally being heard. But now I think real adulthood, the kind rooted in Jesus, means learning when to shut up.
It means holding space. Sitting in discomfort. Praying instead of posting. Letting the Holy Spirit convict someone without my commentary riding shotgun.
And it means trusting that God is powerful enough to speak for Himself. Are there times when we do need to speak up? Absolutely! We’ll cover those in another post. But discernment is somewhere between standing up for the faith and the clapback.
How to Actually Watch Your Mouth (Without Becoming a Silent Monk)
Okay, so you want to speak with wisdom and not just whatever flies into your brain at 90mph. Good call. Here’s how to start:
- Pause Before You Post, Text, or Speak – Think of it like putting your mouth in airplane mode. Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” That includes all-caps tweets, hot takes, and dramatic voice memos.
- Ask: “Does this help or just hurt?” – Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” If it doesn’t build, bless, or bring peace—it can wait.
- Phone a Friend (Who’s Spiritually Sane) – Before you unload your “righteous frustration” on the internet or your unsuspecting coworker, run it by someone who loves Jesus and isn’t afraid to say, “Girl, don’t send that.” If you don’t have one, get yourself one of those.
- Embrace the Holy Spirit’s Awkward Pause – You know that little check in your gut? That’s not indigestion. That’s God. Stop. Breathe. Wait. You don’t have to fill every silence with commentary.
- Practice Saying Nothing – This one’s SO hard (or maybe it’s just me)! Start small. Let the group chat go on without your “correction.” Let someone be wrong about something minor. Let a conversation end without your witty final word. Your self-control is louder than your comeback.
Let James 3:5–6 be your anthem: “The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.” Translation? Don’t be a match in the middle of a California forest. That never goes well.
If You’re Still Learning This Too…
I’m right here with you. Every. Single. Day. I haven’t mastered it. But I’m getting better at pausing. At letting the silence breathe. At praying before I speak. At considering the feelings of others (even if I don’t know them) before I consider my need for the clapback.
So, if you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “I should’ve said less,” I promise, God is still shaping you. The same mouth that used to blurt and burn can be retrained to build and bless.
When you give God your life, you give Him your mouth. That can be a hard one to learn (I’m looking in the mirror here), but I promise it’s an immeasurable gift.
☕ Live with a little faith, a little courage, and a whole lot of stubborn joy. – Tonya
How does God show you when to shut up? Drop a comment. I’d love to hear your story!
© 2025 All posts written by Tonya E. Lee
